First, let me give you a brief update. My egg retrieval went great! (Side note: My husband tells me that while waking up from the anesthesia, keep in mind that I have to recollection of this, I was mumbling. He got really close to me and apparently I said, "Favre, Favre, I didn't put him the my line up". If you know about fantasy football you will get it. BTW, Favre has not played in a few years!) The doctor was able to retrieve 11 eggs from by very full ovaries. Seriously folks, I looked like I was 5 months pregnant! It was horrible!!! Now, I know that I will look like that at 5 months of pregnancy but to look like that and not have a baby inside of me, it's pure hell. Out of the 11 eggs, 10 were fully mature. Out of the 10 eggs, 7 were fertilized!. At this point, we had 7 children, embryos really. 5 of the 7 embryos made it to the blastocyst stage. Basically, this means that 5 embryos had two cell components and the likelihood of the embryos being chromosomally normal were high.
The embryo transfer was on Thanksgiving Day! We were scheduled at 12:45pm. At the clinic, we were told that we still had 5 embryos. After a long discussion we decided to only transfer one embryo. We have been through so much that we did not want to push our luck if we transferred two embryos. Out of the 5 embryos, 2 made it to the freezing stage. So, technically, we have two children in a freezer somewhere.
Then, the dreaded two week wait began...
My new hell is the BETA TESTING!!! I did not think this experience could get any worse! On Wednesday, December 7, I went in for my blood test to measure my HCG Hormone, also known as the Beta test. I did not want them to call me so I gave them my husband's phone number. My husband called be a little bit after 4 pm to tell me that the results came back POSITIVE! For some reason, I was not excited in the least. I then asked him for the beta numbers and he said "28". This is a low beta number as they preferred to see beta numbers at around 100 at this stage. FUCK! Here we go again! Now, I am just pissed off and all I can think about is starting the process all over again.
Basically, the nurse told my husband that the scenarios are:
The embryo transfer was on Thanksgiving Day! We were scheduled at 12:45pm. At the clinic, we were told that we still had 5 embryos. After a long discussion we decided to only transfer one embryo. We have been through so much that we did not want to push our luck if we transferred two embryos. Out of the 5 embryos, 2 made it to the freezing stage. So, technically, we have two children in a freezer somewhere.
Then, the dreaded two week wait began...
My new hell is the BETA TESTING!!! I did not think this experience could get any worse! On Wednesday, December 7, I went in for my blood test to measure my HCG Hormone, also known as the Beta test. I did not want them to call me so I gave them my husband's phone number. My husband called be a little bit after 4 pm to tell me that the results came back POSITIVE! For some reason, I was not excited in the least. I then asked him for the beta numbers and he said "28". This is a low beta number as they preferred to see beta numbers at around 100 at this stage. FUCK! Here we go again! Now, I am just pissed off and all I can think about is starting the process all over again.
Basically, the nurse told my husband that the scenarios are:
- The embryo took longer to attach so that is why the numbers are low. And the embryo could have been placed in a location which took longer to find the wall.
- Really? Are you serious? The embryo was already 5 days old and ready to attach to the uterine wall! What the fuck? Maybe they should have implanted a 3 month old baby! And really?, it got lost in my uterus and could find it's way to the damn wall? I didn't realize my uterus was as big as the Grand Canyon! Oh yeah! I guess it must be a boy since it can't follow or ask for fucking directions!
- The numbers can be low because I had a chemical pregnancy. Basically, an early miscarriage.
- I get it. It could be chromosomal problems. This one is easier to accept since there is nothing anyone can do about this. This could be caused by low hormone levels or thin uterine lining. Well, I disagree with the hormone level reasoning. You can ask my husband. The other day I was crying because I told my husband and I loved him or when I cried because I know what cabinet to put the baby bottles in. Not to mention all the oral hormones I take. The thin uterine lining? I am calling bullshit on this one. I take three vaginal progesterone suppositories per day! If you really want to know all about it, email me! It is an amazing experience. And by amazing, I mean it sucks ass!
- Or the embryo has fetal chromosomal abnormalities which will cause a miscarriage.
- Again, I get this one. But the operative words here are "will cause" a miscarriage. Basically, I have to let the pregnancy progress until I start bleeding and cramping or a D&C. The D&C is a medical procedure to remove the contents of the uterus (embryo). This one is a 50/50 chance.
The silver lining, I have the capacity to get pregnant. Somehow, this does not make it any better...
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