I am finally off birth control! The great thing about being on birth control was that my period was very short and I did not have any cramps. The bad thing about it was that I had heartburn for a couple of weeks.
Today was my first shot of Gonal-F (150iu) and it hurt like hell! About 20 minutes later, I started to cramp and now I feel a whole lot of tugging and pulling on the right side of my pelvis. Now I have this dull headache that will not go away. Oh, the fun that awaits me! Tonight, I get to do it again, TWICE. I will get another shot of Gonal-F (75iu) and Menopur (150iu). I know Derek loves it. This will go on for three days and then I go in for another ultrasound and blood-work.
When Derek was injecting me, all I could think about was that I have to do this 31 more times in the next 10 days. (Or more, if the follicles are not growing at an acceptable rate.) For a moment ,I thought that I could not possibly go through with this. Why would anyone want to go through this? Unless you have been through it, there is no possible way you can ever understand.
I know that at the end what we want is a healthy baby. But are you kidding me with all the shit I have to go through?! I am a bit angry today. Actually, I am pissed! I feel that I did everything I was supposed to do to be prepared to have children. I am healthy (OK, except the working out part), in a loving relationship, great family and friends, financially responsible, have a career, own our own home, I don't do drugs (never have) and I didn't drink often (although, I do miss drinking!) so yes, I am feeling sorry for myself. So what?
I am terrified that it will not work and we will have to do it all over again. I don't think I can do it all over again...
It will happen for us, it will happen for us, it will happen for us...
Today was my first shot of Gonal-F (150iu) and it hurt like hell! About 20 minutes later, I started to cramp and now I feel a whole lot of tugging and pulling on the right side of my pelvis. Now I have this dull headache that will not go away. Oh, the fun that awaits me! Tonight, I get to do it again, TWICE. I will get another shot of Gonal-F (75iu) and Menopur (150iu). I know Derek loves it. This will go on for three days and then I go in for another ultrasound and blood-work.
When Derek was injecting me, all I could think about was that I have to do this 31 more times in the next 10 days. (Or more, if the follicles are not growing at an acceptable rate.) For a moment ,I thought that I could not possibly go through with this. Why would anyone want to go through this? Unless you have been through it, there is no possible way you can ever understand.
I know that at the end what we want is a healthy baby. But are you kidding me with all the shit I have to go through?! I am a bit angry today. Actually, I am pissed! I feel that I did everything I was supposed to do to be prepared to have children. I am healthy (OK, except the working out part), in a loving relationship, great family and friends, financially responsible, have a career, own our own home, I don't do drugs (never have) and I didn't drink often (although, I do miss drinking!) so yes, I am feeling sorry for myself. So what?
I am terrified that it will not work and we will have to do it all over again. I don't think I can do it all over again...
It will happen for us, it will happen for us, it will happen for us...
No comments:
Post a Comment