Today I feel odd. <insert joke>
My stomach feels like it's burning and it's sore. Once in a while I get stabbing cramps and I am bloated to no end. I feel like I am coming down with a cold but it comes and goes. You know, the stuffy nose, sneezing, dull headache... I feel soooooo tired and it takes a lot out of me to go to dinner, meet people, etc. I just want to be in my PJs and in bed. I am just plain exhausted!
Emotionally, it's difficult to explain. I feel like just letting go and what ever happens happens. But not in a good way. Not in a, "I am letting go of control kind of way", it's more of an I just don't give a shit. I consider myself and strong person and I am not a wimp. With hard work and determination, I achieve what I set out to do. But this is really testing me. Can I do this? I am worried about the process of getting pregnant.
Tomorrow, I have an appointment to check the progress of the follicles and check my estrogen levels. I am concerned about having cysts, my ovaries being over-suppressed and then canceling the cycle. Then I am worried that I will get Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS). Basically, it means that if the drugs stimulate the ovaries a little too much, it can cause the ovaries to become very swollen and the fluid can leak into the belly and chest area. Again, I am scared of cancelling the cycle; not to mention that this could be very dangerous. And last, but not least, I am terrified of actually getting a positive pregnancy test and then loosing the pregnancy. After all the shots (at least 32 shots within 2 weeks), all the vaginal ultrasounds (about 8 within 2 weeks), all the blood work (about 10 times within 2 weeks), one surgery and then hopefully the embryo transfer; if it does not stick I will be crushed. To those who say "DON'T THINK ABOUT IT" and "RELAX", can you now get a clue of why it might be difficult to follow that advice?
To be honest, I don't know if I have the balls, I mean ovaries, to do it again. (I couldn't help myself.)
Oh yeah! Let's not forget about the crying today. I have cried about 3 times today for no apparent reason. These hormones are driving me nutty...
My stomach feels like it's burning and it's sore. Once in a while I get stabbing cramps and I am bloated to no end. I feel like I am coming down with a cold but it comes and goes. You know, the stuffy nose, sneezing, dull headache... I feel soooooo tired and it takes a lot out of me to go to dinner, meet people, etc. I just want to be in my PJs and in bed. I am just plain exhausted!
Emotionally, it's difficult to explain. I feel like just letting go and what ever happens happens. But not in a good way. Not in a, "I am letting go of control kind of way", it's more of an I just don't give a shit. I consider myself and strong person and I am not a wimp. With hard work and determination, I achieve what I set out to do. But this is really testing me. Can I do this? I am worried about the process of getting pregnant.
Tomorrow, I have an appointment to check the progress of the follicles and check my estrogen levels. I am concerned about having cysts, my ovaries being over-suppressed and then canceling the cycle. Then I am worried that I will get Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS). Basically, it means that if the drugs stimulate the ovaries a little too much, it can cause the ovaries to become very swollen and the fluid can leak into the belly and chest area. Again, I am scared of cancelling the cycle; not to mention that this could be very dangerous. And last, but not least, I am terrified of actually getting a positive pregnancy test and then loosing the pregnancy. After all the shots (at least 32 shots within 2 weeks), all the vaginal ultrasounds (about 8 within 2 weeks), all the blood work (about 10 times within 2 weeks), one surgery and then hopefully the embryo transfer; if it does not stick I will be crushed. To those who say "DON'T THINK ABOUT IT" and "RELAX", can you now get a clue of why it might be difficult to follow that advice?
To be honest, I don't know if I have the balls, I mean ovaries, to do it again. (I couldn't help myself.)
Oh yeah! Let's not forget about the crying today. I have cried about 3 times today for no apparent reason. These hormones are driving me nutty...
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