Follicles and Estrogen UPDATE!!!!

Saturday, November 12th, 2011

• So, I go to the appointment for blood work and ultrasound.  During the ultrasound, I immediately see some follicles on the right ovary.  I was so excited as I have never seen so many of them.  I had 8 follicles in the right ovary.  Then to the left side, I only had 2 follicles!  My estrogen level was 542.  My uterine lining is at 7mm.  The tech said everything looked good.  So I go home and start "googling" follicle results.  Then it dawns on me that I only have 10 eggs and there is a possibility that they might not be good eggs.  My dear husband comes home and I tell him I am disappointed at the results.  Then I start crying.  He just stares at me with this look... I continue to cry and then ask him "why are you looking at me that way?", "you think I am crazy don't you?".  He just stares and says, "I have never seen you this way before".  His face was full of shock, confusion...  So then, I just started laughing.  Ladies and Gentlemen... welcome to the world of crazy hormones.

Monday, November 14th, 2011

• Another appointment for blood work and ultrasound.  I still had 10 follicles.  All between 15mm and 11mm.  However, my estrogen level went up to 1,543!  (The nurse mentions that I should feel a little uncomfortable due to the estrogen.  Really?  I didn't notice the huge belly on me.)  Apparently, this is higher than what the doctor wants so I am now able to eliminate one shot from the repertoire of shots.  Only 225 of Menopur in the evening.  This bitch, I mean shot, hurts like a mother f@#$%^&!  The following morning I was instructed to take Ganirelix and still 150 of Gonal-F.  

Tuesday, November 15th, 2011

• I feel like a cow!  The size of my belly is now the size of what I  think I would look like three months pregnant!  I feel like I drank tons of water and now it is swooshing around in my stomach.  You know that feeling?  It is not pleasant.  I could not sleep on my stomach or my side.  My lower back hurts and the cramps started again.  I took a shot of Gonal F and another shot of Ganirelix.

• Yet, another appointment for blood work and ultrasound.  My follicles are growing and getting plumper.  I have 5 on my right ovary; 16.7mm, 16.3mm, 16.0mm,15.9mm, and 14.6mm.  My left side is lazy;  I have a 17.2mm, 14.5mm, 14.2mm and a 13.1mm.  My estrogen level is at 1,862.  Much better.  My uterine lining is 11.57mm.  This is really good.  During the last two failed attempts at IUI, my lining was at around 7.5mm.  I am still convinced that the lining was too thin to sustain pregnancy so the little guys did not stick.  I am progressing a little bit quicker than anticipated.  Tonight, I just take 225 of Menopur.

Wednesday, November 16th, 2011

• Still feel like a cow.  My belly hurts when I move and it's become uncomfortable to walk. My boobs hurt.  This morning I took a shot of 150 Gonal F and Ganirelix.  

• After another fun filled morning of blood work and ultrasound, my ovaries are kicking major arse!  Right ovary: 21.5mm, 19.0mm, 17.6mm, 17.4mm, 16.4mm.  Left ovary:  18.4mm, 14.4mm, 13.2mm, 12.8mm, and 12.5mm.  My estrogen level was 2,987.  Which I understand is good, or at least that is what the nurse told me.   The uterine lining is at an amazing 13.4mm.  The nurse thinks I might trigger tonight.   Trigger basically means that the medication will help me release the egg from the ovaries so it is easier during the surgery for the egg retrieval and the risk of Ovarian Hyper-stimulation is minimized.

• I got the call that I will not trigger tonight.  Tonight, I take 75 of Gonal F and 225 of Menopur.  The Gonal F is to help the lazy side.

Thursday, November 17th, 2011

• Holy Big Belly!!!!  If I hold the bottom of my belly, it feels better when I walk.  But really, who wants to see that???  My boobs are sore.  I feel like crap, if I bend down something tugs and pulls in my ovaries.  Not fun at all...

• Once again, blood work and ultrasound.  This sucks!  Nevertheless, my super ovaries are not letting me down.  Finally, something is working!  Right ovary:  22.1mm, 21.0mm, 20.9mm, 20.4mm, 18.7mm and 16.9mm.  (I think some might be hiding).  Left ovary:  20.0mm, 18.0mm, 17.7mm, 17.5mm.  Estrogen level is 3,547 and my uterine lining is at 12.23mm.  Tonight, I don't do any shots except the Lupron Trigger.  

• Then tomorrow, I go in for more blood work and ultrasound.  Just to make sure I did not ovulate and my levels are still acceptable.  SATURDAY, is one of the big days.  I will go in for the egg retrieval on Saturday.

I guess I'll blog about the outcome.  Please, keep your fingers crossed.

Blah, Blah, Blah...

Today I feel odd.  <insert joke>

My stomach feels like it's burning and it's sore.  Once in a while I get stabbing cramps and I am bloated to no end.  I feel like I am coming down with a cold but it comes and goes.  You know, the stuffy nose, sneezing, dull headache...  I feel soooooo tired and it takes a lot out of me to go to dinner, meet people, etc.  I just want to be in my PJs and in bed.  I am just plain exhausted!

Emotionally, it's difficult to explain.  I feel like just letting go and what ever happens happens.  But not in a good way.  Not in a, "I am letting go of control kind of way", it's more of an I just don't give a shit.  I consider myself and strong person and I am not a wimp.  With hard work and determination, I achieve what I set out to do.  But this is really testing me.  Can I do this?  I am worried about the process of getting pregnant.

Tomorrow, I have an appointment to check the progress of the follicles and check my estrogen levels.  I am concerned about having cysts, my ovaries being over-suppressed and then canceling the cycle.  Then I am worried that I will get Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS).  Basically, it means that if the drugs stimulate the ovaries a little too much, it can cause the ovaries to become very swollen and the fluid can leak into the belly and chest area.  Again, I am scared of cancelling the cycle; not to mention that this could be very dangerous.  And last, but not least, I am terrified of actually getting a positive pregnancy test and then loosing the pregnancy.  After all the shots (at least 32 shots within 2 weeks), all the vaginal ultrasounds (about 8 within 2 weeks), all the blood work (about 10 times within 2 weeks), one surgery and then hopefully the embryo transfer; if it does not stick I will be crushed.  To those who say "DON'T THINK ABOUT IT" and "RELAX", can you now get a clue of why it might be difficult to follow that advice?

To be honest, I don't know if I have the balls, I mean ovaries, to do it again. (I couldn't help myself.)

Oh yeah!  Let's not forget about the crying today.  I have cried about 3 times today for no apparent reason.  These hormones are driving me nutty...

And we are off...

I am finally off birth control!  The great thing about being on birth control was that my period was very short and I did not have any cramps.  The bad thing about it was that I had heartburn for a couple of weeks.

Today was my first shot of Gonal-F (150iu) and it hurt like hell!  About 20 minutes later, I started to cramp and now I feel a whole lot of tugging and pulling on the right side of my pelvis.  Now I have this dull headache that will not go away. Oh, the fun that awaits me!  Tonight, I get to do it again, TWICE.  I will get another shot of Gonal-F (75iu) and Menopur (150iu).  I know Derek loves it. This will go on for three days and then I go in for another ultrasound and blood-work. 

When Derek was injecting me, all I could think about was that I have to do this 31 more times in the next 10 days.  (Or more, if the follicles are not growing at an acceptable rate.) For a moment ,I thought that I could not possibly go through with this.  Why would anyone want to go through this?  Unless you have been through it, there is no possible way you can ever understand.

I know that at the end what we want is a healthy baby.  But are you kidding me with all the shit I have to go through?!  I am a bit angry today.  Actually, I am pissed! I feel that I did everything I was supposed to do to be prepared to have children.  I am healthy (OK, except the working out part), in a loving relationship, great family and friends, financially responsible, have a career, own our own home, I don't do drugs (never have) and I didn't drink often (although, I do miss drinking!) so yes, I am feeling sorry for myself.  So what?

I am terrified that it will not work and we will have to do it all over again.  I don't think I can do it all over again...

It will happen for us, it will happen for us, it will happen for us...