DON'T TELL ME TO RELAX

Yesterday, on my way back from Charlotte, NC, the woman sitting next to me complimented my wedding ring and asked me how long I've been married. I told her I was still a newlywed and she asked me "ANY KIDS?". I responded that we were trying but recently found it that we had some fertility issues and that we were going to start fertility treatments. I was surprised at how easy it was to say and her reaction was great. She didn't offer advice, words of encouragement, she just listened. (Of course, I didn't go into the dirty details, I will save that for a later blog!) She was so cute and gave me a hug when we landed. Thanks Mrs.L!

Through this time, I quickly realized that people want to empathize and try to make you feel better by giving advice but don't really think about the things they are saying. Again, I am sure, or so I hope, that people mean well and don't know that some of the things they say are hurtful and actually make you feel shitty! So, I've compiled a list (is this list thing a theme?)of things that make me ask:

What the F@#$?!

1) "Just try to relax."

I love this one and it happens to be the most popular piece of advice. Before you say this to someone, read the following so you can get a sense of why it might be a challenge "to relax".

• See, when you can't get pregnant your OBGYN starts with a regular pelvic exam, pap test, the usual.  I was then sent for blood tests to eliminate any hormonal imbalance, thyroid issues, etc. Not a big deal, right? I can relax. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, since I had terrible pain the doctor said it could be a cyst but if the pain became unbearable to go to the emergency room because it could be an ectopic pregnancy. No big deal, I can "relax" after that comment. (By the way, it was a cyst.) In my case, I was then sent for an ultrasound. I didn't think it was a big deal until I found out it was a transvaginal ultrasound. I really became easy to "relax" when the technician asked me to insert the transducer into my vagina because it would be more comfortable for me. Really? More comfortable? I could barely reach!

• Once the OBGYN eliminates any "major" issue(s) you start on the "Am I Ovulating? Relaxing" phase. I got to chart my basal temperature every morning before I got out of bed, I was not allowed to move, go pee, etc.(This didn't work very well.) I got to measure my cervical mucus. Yup, you read it correctly. Is it stretchy? sticky? I could go on but you get the idea of how easy it is to "relax" when you have to do that. Then you have the ovulating sticks. This was so "relaxing". You have to pee on this tiny stick and wait to see if there is a line. The great thing (insert sarcasm) about this is that you have to test your first pee of the morning. So if you have to go pee, say around 4am, you got to hold it until you are ready to pee on the ovulation stick. And let me tell you, peeing on a tiny stick at 4am is not fun or accurate. You know what I'm saying? This experience was "relaxing" but not as "relaxing" as scheduling our love making around the right basal temperature, the correct consistency of my cervical mucus or the ovulation stick. It got to the point that I would ask my husband, or tell but really it's just semantics, "let's get it on". One morning he asked me if I could not be so "direct" with my request. I get it, this is now working.  Oh but wait, to make sure I am still "RELAXING" I get the not so subtle reminder of my period, whether early or late.  It feels like you are being punched in the stomach.  I guess this is one more reason to "relax". No worries, there is much more on how easy it is to "relax".
  
  But for now, don't tell me to relax. Suck it!